It was over dinner on our first night in Malta, as Lizzie and I delicately nibbled our bruschetta by the sea and talked about the following day’s plans, that something inside me clicked. We talked about our body confidence as we planned to visit Comino’s Blue Lagoon and chill out in our bikinis in one of the Maltese island’s most popular tourist sites.
Me? Bikini? People? Okay…
We are polar opposites, my best friend and I – 10 years together and while we are so similar in so many ways, physically we couldn’t be further apart. Cute Teeny LizzieBee and Super Size Amy – both discussing how neither of us particularly used to like how we looked and have both still got our hang ups about ourselves. We both faced discrimination, objectification and torment at school… and for the opposite reasons. It was in that moment I thought – fuck it.
That’s when I decided I was going to flaunt it when we visited Comino’s Blue Lagoon – I was going to plunge straight into that (surprisingly bloody freezing) water and just be myself. Why would I be anyone else?
It doesn’t matter what beautiful means to anyone else, it could be totally different to what it means to me. I feel like we are all very quick to give other’s compliments, but we rarely turn it on ourselves and realise our true values and the things that make is amazing. What makes us incredible individuals is not just how we look.
Confidence to me is about daring to be yourself without inhibitions. And I sat on that damn rock to pose like the poetic noble land mermaid I am, no matter how many people watched from the water’s edge. (It also helps that Lizzie is such a brilliant photographer and captured my happiness perfectly.)
My self esteem had never been higher in those moments and it might be something to do with turning 30 but I think for the first time in my life I’m accepting myself fully and I think ‘fuck it’ to everything else.
And you know what, I didn’t waste a single thought on whether I jiggled as I ran down to the sea only to tentatively dip in my toe and squeal, or whether my arms and legs had lumps and bumps, or whether my boobs were looking perky enough. All I thought was ‘Oh my gosh, this is a beautiful day to be alive.’
And that, my friends, is what we like to call, a breakthrough.