I kept wondering what my new year’s resolutions would be for this year, and I realised… I am pretty perfect. Just kidding – there are many things I could improve of course, but given the state of the world I think it has some explaining to do before it starts pointing fingers.
So instead I decided to write out some things that I REALLY want to do this year. (Pandemic permitting!)
Someone excellent once said to me “What about you makes you think you deserve to take up less space?” and my god, she’s right. I deserve to take up space! I deserve to love myself and my body. Following from the absolutely incredible series of talks about acceptance of your own body, from the Anti Diet Riot Club Weekender, I wanted to write down my thoughts and experiences of fatphobia and how the experts suggest we beat the stigma and start feeling more body positive!
Lately, I’ve been feeling quite sad that my blog has remained dormant for so long! After a brief chat with my pal, Lizzie, she’s told me that once she stopped worrying about stats, or “having something important to say” it took a weight off her mind and now she just posts what she feels. Reports on all her days out, her outfits, her feelings. That’s what I’ve been missing from blogging! That… and the additional time it takes to write.
A friend of mine gave me the chance to discuss something that affects so many of us without our knowledge. BRFBs or Body Focused Repetitive Behaviours can affect many of us who suffer from anxiety. So what do they feel like, and what can we do to overcome them? Who better to help us than someone who has been dealing with BRFBs for since her early teens! So let’s find out more…
How have you been this lock-down? Since I am pretty sure all my readers are UK based and now in the drudgery of a third lock-down, I think we can assume we’re all feeling the same. Lethargic. I feel like the joy and energy has been sapped from life, and I am just waiting out until the end and hoping for the best. Daily, it’s a struggle. But these mini lectures and art workshops have given me little pockets of meaningfulness and learning, so I wanted to share them with you.
I tend to have these weird moments sometimes where I think “wouldn’t it be cool to do this thing I’ve not thought through, that pushes me way out of my comfort zone?” and then I just do it. So, today I did my first stint as a plus size life model. I only posed in the (almost) nude in front of absolute strangers, no big deal.
Now I’m going to spill some not-so-sweet tea… just before the lock-down my anxiety hit a spike after months of burying it, and I ended up having to sign myself off work due to stress. It’s not been pretty, but that’s the truth of it. Since then I’ve been phasing back and, more importantly, feeling a lot better. Here’s a few ways that I have been coping with anxiety and stress since then; I hope you find them useful.
One thing I am thankful for is that I am able to write this post, since there’s so much time for self-reflection and hobbies nowadays. I’ve been feeling for so long (since around October to be exact) like a shell of myself. Like I’d essentially peaked at 30 and I was now somehow struggling back uphill to become something I used to be…
Nothing like a new year to kick yourself into making changes right? The last two years have been pretty good for me! When I look at how far I’ve come in such a short time, it’s kinda liberating! But where do I go from here?
I’m going to set myself some new goals and see if I can keep to them!
*cue scoffing and murmurs of doubt from the crowd*
WOW. What a year… I know things have turned a bit rubbish recently but you know, I’ve had a fantastic year! I’ve enjoyed about 90% of it which I’d say is pretty fantastic. This post is mostly here as I just wanted to write down all I’ve done this year and reflect on how many things have progressed. So often I feel like I’m going nowhere fast so…. time to prove myself wrong!