None of what I’m about to say is ground-breaking. If we peel back the curtain ever-so-slightly on what the fashion industry has told us about fat people, it’s pretty clear. But it doesn’t mean we can’t have a fun little rant about it eh? Regardless of your body shape, it’s time to get angry at the fashion industry – let’s go.
CW: Fatphobia, rage-inducing history
Someone excellent once said to me “What about you makes you think you deserve to take up less space?” and my god, she’s right. I deserve to take up space! I deserve to love myself and my body. Following from the absolutely incredible series of talks about acceptance of your own body, from the Anti Diet Riot Club Weekender, I wanted to write down my thoughts and experiences of fatphobia and how the experts suggest we beat the stigma and start feeling more body positive!
A friend of mine gave me the chance to discuss something that affects so many of us without our knowledge. BRFBs or Body Focused Repetitive Behaviours can affect many of us who suffer from anxiety. So what do they feel like, and what can we do to overcome them? Who better to help us than someone who has been dealing with BRFBs for since her early teens! So let’s find out more…
How have you been this lock-down? Since I am pretty sure all my readers are UK based and now in the drudgery of a third lock-down, I think we can assume we’re all feeling the same. Lethargic. I feel like the joy and energy has been sapped from life, and I am just waiting out until the end and hoping for the best. Daily, it’s a struggle. But these mini lectures and art workshops have given me little pockets of meaningfulness and learning, so I wanted to share them with you.
Now I’m going to spill some not-so-sweet tea… just before the lock-down my anxiety hit a spike after months of burying it, and I ended up having to sign myself off work due to stress. It’s not been pretty, but that’s the truth of it. Since then I’ve been phasing back and, more importantly, feeling a lot better. Here’s a few ways that I have been coping with anxiety and stress since then; I hope you find them useful.
One thing I am thankful for is that I am able to write this post, since there’s so much time for self-reflection and hobbies nowadays. I’ve been feeling for so long (since around October to be exact) like a shell of myself. Like I’d essentially peaked at 30 and I was now somehow struggling back uphill to become something I used to be…
I did something today that I thought I’d never be able to do again. I took part in GoApe in Coventry. My body screamed “Don’t do it!”, my mind screamed “You’re crazy!” but this tiny part of me looked back at my scouting days and said…
“You’ve just got to try…”
I am forever telling you all about my childhood and how great it was. I was a lucky girl with a steady family and a pleasant upbringing, being able to achieve anything I wanted and always top-of-the-class. This is something I really value now I’m old enough to appreciate it, and I know that I am one of the minority who had this.
My abilities and idyllic surroundings brought forward feelings in me that I was in some way… Exceptional. I thought that everyone was placed there for my benefit; like everything was created to please, or anger, or confuse me. I am not sure how common it is, but when I was a kid I thought the world was made for me alone. It was a “God Complex” – a feeling that I had unlimited personal potential and control. Think a Hermione Granger in the Philosopher’s Stone mentality… (But don’t worry, it doesn’t last.)
Everyone has regrets, but I find the biggest regrets in my life are often the things I didn’t do. Of course, it’s completely cliche and some would probably think I would count my wonky, odd, fan-girling, terrible tattoos as regrets…
I decided as it’s my birthday, I should work out 30 goals to complete before I turn 30! It’s not actually that long before I turn 30 so this is going to be far from a bucket list for me – it will be more achievable things!
I have 2 years to complete this list and so there’s not likely to be any sky-diving or travelling around Africa on this list… So here goes!
1. Go to Iceland (and hopefully see the Northern Lights!)
2. Visit Disneyland
3. Eat at a Michelin star restaurant
4. Go on a road trip somewhere new (where I am the driver) DONE
5. Visit a waxwork museum
6. Go camping in the middle of nowhere and watch the sunset and sunrise DONE
7. Do a research project to find out about 30 cultures and countries I know nothing about
8. Meet someone I really admire in person – DONE
9. Be a bridesmaid – DONE
10. Try to get some zen trying out some mindfulness hobbies DONE
11. Make a physical photo album of the best parts of my life all in one place!
12. Gain as much astronomical info as possible from stargazing
13. Photograph animals in the wild
14. Attend a class to learn a new skill
15. Attend a book/writing club regularly for at least 6 months – DONE
16. Complete 2 years of blogging! DONE
17. Complete an art project (similar to those I did at A-Level)
18. Go to see a play at the RSC and review it – DONE
19. Go vegan for 1 month! – DONE!
20. Sell something I have created myself
21. Take steps to get over one of my (many) irrational fears – DONE
22. Spend a month as tech-free as possible (work time unavoidable!)
23. Volunteer somewhere for at least 30 days
24. Complete a huge jigsaw puzzle – DONE
25. Try at least 30 new foods (including some scary ones!) DONE
27. See a play in London and stay overnight DONE
28. Throw a Harry Potter themed party – DONE
29. Attend a festival (music, food or otherwise) – I’ve not done this for too long! DONE
30. See in my 30th birthday in style!
I think these are do-able. They will make me push myself more but I don’t think they’ll stress me out too much trying to complete them!
What do you think? Can you recommend any ways to help me make sure I do this right?
Ready, set, GO!
Amy