I did something today that I thought I’d never be able to do again. I took part in GoApe in Coventry. My body screamed “Don’t do it!”, my mind screamed “You’re crazy!” but this tiny part of me looked back at my scouting days and said…
“You’ve just got to try…”
One perfectly annoying habit I have is that when I feel sad or anxious, I seek out more negativity. It sounds like the worst idea, right? When I feel low my brain says… “You know what would be great? If we set ourselves off into a self-doubt spiral!” Once I am in there I find it a struggle to get out so this is a note to myself (and to you) on how to try to break free.
This post contains a gifted product worn while doing my shoot – hope you like them!
People often say “Oh wow, this year has flown. I can’t believe it’s almost over.” But for me, this feels like the longest year in existence. It’s been an absolute roller-coaster of a year, where I’ve gone through minor breakdowns, major breakthroughs, had some self-doubt, learnt self-love, sought out new things and cherished some of the old.
I feel like (partly down to blogging) this has been my richest year yet – one with many happy memories and some not so good, but ultimately I’ve come out of it a different person. So here is my A-Z of 2018. I hope you take the time to read it, because seriously, it’s been a wild ride.
One day, quite a few years ago now, I turned to the one I loved at the time and said, “I feel unpretty today.” I felt rubbish about myself and thought I didn’t look nice. Perhaps I felt a bit ugly in what I wore. Perhaps I had a spot on my face that day, or my hair wasn’t playing ball. Mediocre worries about minute things.
For weeks now, I’ve felt overwhelmed by the most minor of tasks… It’s safe to say I have not been adulting very well. Any thought of writing or creating was completely out of the window, as I struggled with the basic instinct of waking up and giving a damn about anything past what’s in front of my eyes. It’s a horrible feeling. It quells my ability to stop and truly think deeply about anything.
Every time I started a blog post, I typed out a paragraph and then thought, this is going nowhere. I’ve been through stints like this before – where everything is a struggle and it feels like I’m trapped behind a haze inside my own brain. But the logical side of me always knows it doesn’t last.
I just needed to wait it out.
You know when you’re first getting to know someone new, and you ask them all those very important questions that pop into your head?
If you could only eat one food for your life what would it be? What superhero power would you pick?
What would your plan be in a zombie apocalypse?
Ladies and Gentlemen, it would appear I have lost my Muchness. But it’s okay, don’t worry! I’ve decided on how I’m going to get it back, and this is the first step. But, first of all some of you might be thinking, what the heck is ‘Muchness’?
Okay firstly, I’m coming up to a year of blogging and I can’t believe it. It’s been such a brilliant year for me and I have done more awesome things as a result. That kinda changed recently when I hit some kind of mental wall. Since that week, I’ve struggled to think. I’ve also cut myself off from the interesting things I do.
I am usually so driven. Anyone who knows me can tell I’m never happy unless I am productive and busy. So when I hit a bump in the road like this, it really knocks me about. So this week I’ll just be a little more honest; with myself, and with you…