The Art of Being Alone: Mindfulness and Why I Can’t Seem to Grasp it

As part of my 30 goals before I am 30, I made a pact to try out some mindfulness techniques. It only took 1 and a half years, a minor breakdown and lots of self-intervention to make a start! Hooray! So, obviously I am not the authority on mindfulness, but this is more of a… beginner’s experience.

I have had little to no luck when it comes to mindfulness and I’ve heard that it can be a struggle. For me it’s nearly impossible – I actually took a day to myself where I could do nothing, alone, and lasted well… you can see for yourself.

To Dream the Impossible Dream: A Significant Life Update

Recently, my life has been turned upside-down. For so long I’ve been holding back what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, the life I wanted to live. It was no-one’s fault; it just became this way slowly and I filled my life with material things as a way of filling some kind of void that I had inside me.

This isn’t one of those posts where I preach about how material things are unimportant. I understand that they all have a place, and so many things hold meaning in people’s lives. But to cut a long story short, I have (at least in the short term) moved out of my house and left a great deal of these material things behind, and it’s given me a little perspective on what’s really important.

“To dream the impossible dream, To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow,To run where the brave dare not go”

Major Adulting: Trying to Capture my Creative Spark

For weeks now, I’ve felt overwhelmed by the most minor of tasks… It’s safe to say I have not been adulting very well. Any thought of writing or creating was completely out of the window, as I struggled with the basic instinct of waking up and giving a damn about anything past what’s in front of my eyes. It’s a horrible feeling. It quells my ability to stop and truly think deeply about anything.

Every time I started a blog post, I typed out a paragraph and then thought, this is going nowhere. I’ve been through stints like this before – where everything is a struggle and it feels like I’m trapped behind a haze inside my own brain. But the logical side of me always knows it doesn’t last.

I just needed to wait it out.

My Childhood God Complex VS My Adult Imposter Syndrome

I am forever telling you all about my childhood and how great it was. I was a lucky girl with a steady family and a pleasant upbringing, being able to achieve anything I wanted and always top-of-the-class.  This is something I really value now I’m old enough to appreciate it, and I know that I am one of the minority who had this.

My abilities and idyllic surroundings brought forward feelings in me that I was in some way… Exceptional. I thought that everyone was placed there for my benefit; like everything was created to please, or anger, or confuse me. I am not sure how common it is, but when I was a kid I thought the world was made for me alone. It was a “God Complex” – a feeling that I had unlimited personal potential and control.  Think a Hermione Granger in the Philosopher’s Stone mentality… (But don’t worry, it doesn’t last.)