For weeks now, I’ve felt overwhelmed by the most minor of tasks… It’s safe to say I have not been adulting very well. Any thought of writing or creating was completely out of the window, as I struggled with the basic instinct of waking up and giving a damn about anything past what’s in front of my eyes. It’s a horrible feeling. It quells my ability to stop and truly think deeply about anything.
Every time I started a blog post, I typed out a paragraph and then thought, this is going nowhere. I’ve been through stints like this before – where everything is a struggle and it feels like I’m trapped behind a haze inside my own brain. But the logical side of me always knows it doesn’t last.
I just needed to wait it out.
This too, shall pass.
I had to really try hard to make myself read a book this month. Attending my regular book group at my friend’s bookshop is something I’ve neglected to do for the past few months even though it’s something I love to do. Even though I enjoyed this new book instantly and knew I wanted to read it, something made me put it down and decide instead to stare into space every time. I kept losing this battle with my own brain but I persevered, even though it was painfully slowly.
I finally managed to attend the club having read half of the book (at least half an achievement)… and then something absolutely wonderful happened. The book (which was Murakami’s ‘Colorless Tsukuru tazaki and his Years of Pilgrimage’) sparked something that made me want to fight it’s corner when people started to dislike it. I saw so much of myself in that book that it felt I had to defend it with all my heart.
The Creative Spark
This triggered something inside me. Some creative spark that I forgot I had… an instant clarity. I am not sure if it was the intellectual stimulation from being with like-minded people or just simply the ability to truly feel passionately about something literary again, that made me reawaken. My deeper thoughts seem to be coming back, the fuzzy wall is receding slowly.
I am going to do a full review of this book soon, now that my brain has decided to let me think once more. Although this post is short and sweet, I thought it was necessary to just get it out there so I can show where I am, where I was, reflect on it, and move on.