Internal Debate: Fragile Internet Friendships

Switzerland Lake Internet Friendships

I am starting to notice a pattern between myself and some of my peers that I feel might be applicable to a lot of us in the 24-29-year-old bracket. We grew up during the dawn of daily internet connection becoming a household thing. (Insert nostalgic comment about the frustrations of dial-up here!) As our minds grew, so too did the ways we could connect with our friends and I wanted to explore this a little.

MINI DISCLAIMER: This is no way reflective of the people I met online and our internet friendships. Some of those are the closest I have and I hope it’s evident that it’s not the aim of my writing to discredit these friendships in any way. This may apply to other age groups too, however, I am writing from my experience.

Writing into the Ether Internet Friendships Communication Connections
Photography by Geoffrey Schild

So what does this mean?

Through text message, AOL, MSN messenger (RIP) and so many other mediums we could get a person to answer any message at any time. A fluid and consistent influx of messages from huge amounts of tenuously linked internet friendships. It made us feel safe in the knowledge that our ‘friends’ were always right there in our lives when we needed to call upon them.

We, in this age group, are now experiencing our first look at REAL adulthood. I’m not talking about University where you think you’re an adult because you don’t live in your parents’ house but you have a huge amount of hours to kill. I mean the ironed-shirt-wearing, thinking about the ‘next step’, “holy effing S this is scary!” beginning of adulthood.

We get less and less free time and yet we still feel we need to preserve those connections with others. Many of us try to maintain those ever-present online attachments we could always control to fill that gap. We reach out through meaningless likes and narcissistic “look what I am doing” posts to maintain those bitterly dying relationships.

Lora Zombie Amazing Space Print
Expand Your Universe by Lora Zombie (one of my favourite artists) – I would love to own ALL of her space prints.

What does this mean for me?

I didn’t realise this but I felt anxious following this need for a response. When people read and don’t reply there is sometimes a niggling feeling that there was something I’d done to cause it. I shared this feeling with a number of my peers who told me they felt almost a compulsion to keep these online connections going even when they were destructive to their “real-life” relationships.

This compulsion meant that I never really spent time concentrating on the people who were actually present. I was always trying to keep these ties with people that just couldn’t make the time to spend with me in person.

So what did I do about it?

In 2015/16, I got so low that I decided I had to do something about it. I cut myself off from tech and tried to refocus my energy on people and things that really mattered. It helped me to live a little more in the moment and sever those fragile ties between myself and the idea of extended ‘friendship’.

Dracula's House
If you need me I’ll be in my tower.

I kicked these feelings by having tech free days, having a phone/internet ban on nights out, and sometimes just taking a step back and questioning why I really feel this way and whether I’m being too sensitive. Now I feel I have a close few who deserve my full time and energy and my network of casual friends whom I have a history with.

It’s fine to not maintain closeness to everyone you used to be close to. It’s not even about changing as people don’t really change all that much, they just get different priorities. But that’s okay!

I’d love to know, Reader, if you also feel this way sometimes?
Does this affect you?


Further reading: The Challenge of Cyber Culture which, amongst other things discusses the psyches of children of the digital age. 


  1. Caz
    25th February 2017

    Total getting this at the moment. Finding social media hollow and all this tech really pointless… I want an organic friendship group which grows and takes time and effort. I get the illusion of this through social media but when it comes down to it those ties are very superficial. I am working on more face to face time, even though the idea of it makes me nervous and uncomfortable sometimes. I also find some of my oldest, closest ties are in completely different life stages to me now therefore our ability to relate to each other often seems hindered which I’ve struggled with… My best friend is still rocking the dance floor and I’m rocking nappies.. Woo. The evolution from kid to adult sucks. Good read Amy, 🙂

  2. Amy_Ether
    25th February 2017

    Thanks for the comment Caz! It’s great to know if this really does affect people similarly!

    I totally agree that difficult to maintain the connections we have and I know a lot of people are moving away from Facebook and the constant “friendship” updates. Even though it’s equally difficult to meet people and I feel like that social anxiety also stems from this ability to hide behind a screen!

    I feel like my friendship group was very nuclear and I started getting anxious as it got smaller as time went on. Just got to break that feeling that these people are not still there even though there isn’t a constant connection there, and if they do fall away it’s not the end of the world!

    Another point, although we think we know superficially what is going on in people’s lives we never really see a true reflection! I am looking forward to seeing you in March and getting off these screens! x

  3. […] new things with a progressive respect and no fear of the new. We remember the days where we had to turn off the internet to use the phone and somehow it makes us have a respect for the wonders of tech […]

  4. Dan
    7th September 2017

    Totally agree and feel this every day.


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