One thing I am thankful for is that I am able to write this post, since there’s so much time for self-reflection and hobbies nowadays. I’ve been feeling for so long (since around October to be exact) like a shell of myself. Like I’d essentially peaked at 30 and I was now somehow struggling back uphill to become something I used to be…
Nothing like a new year to kick yourself into making changes right? The last two years have been pretty good for me! When I look at how far I’ve come in such a short time, it’s kinda liberating! But where do I go from here?
I’m going to set myself some new goals and see if I can keep to them!
*cue scoffing and murmurs of doubt from the crowd*
WOW. What a year… I know things have turned a bit rubbish recently but you know, I’ve had a fantastic year! I’ve enjoyed about 90% of it which I’d say is pretty fantastic. This post is mostly here as I just wanted to write down all I’ve done this year and reflect on how many things have progressed. So often I feel like I’m going nowhere fast so…. time to prove myself wrong!
When I was 28, which seems such a short time ago, I made a list of 30 goals I wanted to achieve before I was 30. Simple right? Make 30 plans, stick to them and tick them off one by one. Ha!
I did something today that I thought I’d never be able to do again. I took part in GoApe in Coventry. My body screamed “Don’t do it!”, my mind screamed “You’re crazy!” but this tiny part of me looked back at my scouting days and said…
“You’ve just got to try…”
One perfectly annoying habit I have is that when I feel sad or anxious, I seek out more negativity. It sounds like the worst idea, right? When I feel low my brain says… “You know what would be great? If we set ourselves off into a self-doubt spiral!” Once I am in there I find it a struggle to get out so this is a note to myself (and to you) on how to try to break free.
This post contains a gifted product worn while doing my shoot – hope you like them!
I think we’ve established many times that I am super awkward when it comes to being put in front of a camera. I envy some of my friends to whom it comes naturally – watching them swing around at their professional photoshoot, laughing and posing. They make it look so easy but then suddenly it’s my turn… and I freeze like a rabbit in head-lights.
People often say “Oh wow, this year has flown. I can’t believe it’s almost over.” But for me, this feels like the longest year in existence. It’s been an absolute roller-coaster of a year, where I’ve gone through minor breakdowns, major breakthroughs, had some self-doubt, learnt self-love, sought out new things and cherished some of the old.
I feel like (partly down to blogging) this has been my richest year yet – one with many happy memories and some not so good, but ultimately I’ve come out of it a different person. So here is my A-Z of 2018. I hope you take the time to read it, because seriously, it’s been a wild ride.
One day, quite a few years ago now, I turned to the one I loved at the time and said, “I feel unpretty today.” I felt rubbish about myself and thought I didn’t look nice. Perhaps I felt a bit ugly in what I wore. Perhaps I had a spot on my face that day, or my hair wasn’t playing ball. Mediocre worries about minute things.
So there’s a little llama (probably actually an alpaca) trinket tray I bought for my friend recently. When my anxieties were taking root and it caused a rift between me and another friend, she told me to pay a pound to the Drama Llama; a bit like you would give to a swear jar. It sounds so ridiculous, but in doing so it was easy to denounce the drama and not let it take root.