Major Adulting: Learning not to doubt your worth

One day, quite a  few years ago now, I turned to the one I loved at the time and said, “I feel unpretty today.” I felt rubbish about myself and thought I didn’t look nice. Perhaps I felt a bit ugly in what I wore. Perhaps I had a spot on my face that day, or my hair wasn’t playing ball. Mediocre worries about minute things.

He turned to me with the sweetest of smiles and replied; “Don’t worry. Ideally a girl can have a pretty face, an amazing personality and a beautiful body…

And you know, you’ve got 2 out of 3 – and that ain’t bad.”

He was referring, without a doubt, to my body and how it looked (and still looks now) which some of you may have noticed is a curvaceous plus size. His comment cut through me and I still think of it to this day, but probably not for the reason you’d think.

It was of no revelation to me that fat exists on my body… shocking, I know. However, in truth the only time it has ever hurt to look at myself, was when people spoke to me as he had. I never wake up in the morning and feel like I can’t put on whatever the heck I want and walk out of the door with my head held high. That day had been no different, until that moment.

I don’t think of that in retrospect, as the day I realised I was inferior for being overweight. In fact, that’s the day I realised that the people like him were wrong. I actually felt more angry at myself for even letting him or anyone affect me with their judgement like that. And if that is strange to you, then so be it.

Even if the whole world looks at me for something I’m wearing or something I choose to do… if it’s out of place, or too crazy, or doesn’t conform… frankly I don’t give a damn. That small thing; whether it’s an active choice like my tattoos or hair colour, or a passive one like my weight or my milk-bottle-white legs… it’s what it takes to make me myself and I am not going to let a single person change that for me.

I am myself, and I can be nothing else.
My face is nothing but my own, my body is nothing but my own and my personality… Well. I’ll let you be the judge of that.
But even without that particular result…I would say I’m a solid 2 out of 3 – and that ain’t bad.