Major Adulting: Losing my Muchness and my quest to find it again…

Ladies and Gentlemen, it would appear I have lost my Muchness. But it’s okay, don’t worry! I’ve decided on how I’m going to get it back, and this is the first step. But, first of all some of you might be thinking, what the heck is ‘Muchness’?

Muchness is your soul. It’s your style, the thing that makes you unique. It’s the thing that makes you… yourself. Sometimes you don’t realise it’s gone until someone tells you, sometimes you don’t realise it ever left until it comes back. But when you notice that you have it, you should cherish it. It’s what separates you from the others.

(It’s also a concept from a really small, niche book – Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. You’ve probably never heard of it…)

“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, very gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

What happens when you’ve lost your muchness?

I have felt like over this year I’ve become less and less happy with the direction of my writing. I’ve felt pressured to produce things that you will all enjoy, rather than things that I enjoy writing about. So yes, I am basically blaming you.

Just kidding. It’s actually a crazy concoction of things. Stress from external sources, pressure to be popular, and to the constant feeling that I need to be progressing in some way. (I get that in every element of my life, I hate the feeling of stagnation.) Just the prospect of growing “page views” and “DOMAIN AUTHORITY” *thunder crashes* is enough to drive the biggest creative into a self-assessing cynic.

Thanks to 3 very awesome men who talked me through things, I realised where I was going wrong and now I feel like my last post was a reawakening for me! It’s back to the old muchness, and closer to who I am. I got such a good reception from it that I’ll definitely  be posting more things like this again. I loved writing that post and I’d held it back for so long!

Blogging gave me this freedom and I won’t let blogging take it away.

My posts used to be “innocent reflections of myself” that I threw out into the world in the hope that someone might read them, maybe leave a little comment, get a laugh or a smile. Although I do love doing my events and working with local people I feel I need to focus more inwardly again. I need to head back to my Wonderland.

Reviewing events, new sponsors and improving my photography planning are all great opportunities I’d not have had without blogging… but I let it compromise my voice. Not any more. I’m going to be myself again, and write about what I love. I won’t let my muchness die, and I will no longer hide who I am. I will explore new things, improve and build at my own pace, fill my life with colour and share it all with you.


  1. Eloise
    7th April 2018

    First of all, I love the Alice theme going on with this post 😀
    It’s great you’re able to reflect on the stuff that you enjoy and what’s important to you, because as you say, it’s what makes you *you*.
    Either way I think you’re wonderful and look forward to seeing more of your muchness-filled posts <3

  2. […] It may seem silly but Alice in Wonderland was always one of my biggest influences through my teens. After reading the novel I threw myself into it wholeheartedly and it inspired so many of outfits, purchases and even my way of thinking. It has so many quotable moments that I bring into everyday life even now, that it actually even made me rethink a few weeks ago when I realised, I’d lost my way. […]

  3. […] in Wonderland has always been a big part of growing up for me, and this game took all that I thought I knew about it and TORE IT APART. (In a nice way). […]

  4. […] smallest thing can turn into a chore if presented at the wrong time. I keep saying the words “today I change“… but then it’s “today” now, it’s today […]


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