Recently, my life has been turned upside-down. For so long I’ve been holding back what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, the life I wanted to live. It was no-one’s fault; it just became this way slowly and I filled my life with material things as a way of filling some kind of void that I had inside me.
This isn’t one of those posts where I preach about how material things are unimportant. I understand that they all have a place, and so many things hold meaning in people’s lives. But to cut a long story short, I have (at least in the short term) moved out of my house and left a great deal of these material things behind, and it’s given me a little perspective on what’s really important.
“To dream the impossible dream, To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow,To run where the brave dare not go”
Last weekend I had an epiphany. I realised that really and truly I could be who I wanted to be. I went through this moment of what my best friend referred to as “complete madness” and thought, I need to explore what this means. It was like the emptiness inside me had gone and I felt complete freedom in that moment. I can say it was a total state of euphoria that I’d not felt for as long as I can remember.
“And I know if I’ll only be true, To this glorious quest,
That my heart will be peaceful and calm, When I’m laid to my rest”
On the eve of my 29th birthday, I started to live more freely. I packed a few bags, I got in my car and I headed out of my current life and for whatever reason, it felt so liberating to do so. There has been a wall inside my mind for so long – one that I felt had been lifted by something as simple as a book club, but as time went on I realised that something inside me had clicked in those few days. I’d seen a new way of experiencing life, and I can’t wait to explore it more.
“And the world will be better for this, That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage… To reach the unreachable star”
My friends all say I seem like there’s a weight off my shoulders. Happier. More alive. I can’t exactly pinpoint what I am going to do now; I am in a little bit of a limbo, but that’s okay. There’s huge potential to every day and new things to explore. I am going to spend time with those I love on my own terms, and grab every moment I can and make it my own.
Lyrics from “The Impossible Dream” by Andy Williams – a song close to my heart.
Full Photo Credit to My Wonderful Friend Lizzie